It's confusing

Today, Matthew and I were out walking when a little girl spotted us. She was across the street, playing in her driveway and I saw her watching us. She was probably about five years old. "Hey!" she yelled. "Is that your black baby?"

This actually did not bother me in the least. Questions from children rarely do. They are refreshingly candid compared to adults, who ask far more invasive and offensive questions. Many children have asked me why Matthew doesn't look like me. Never once has a child asked me why we chose to adopt or why his first mom made an adoption plan or how much he "cost."

Plus, kids just ask, they don't attempt to pretty it up. The little girl didn't start out by shouting, "I've always thought of adopting . . . " or "Oh, he's adorable! I'm just curious . . . " She cut to the chase.

"Yes," I replied. "This is my baby."

A puzzled frown crossed her face. "Why's he so brown and you're so . . . light?" she asked.

I answered as I usually do with young children. "He's adopted. That means that he grew in another mommy's belly. She has brown skin just like he does."

"Wait. Are you his mommy?"

"Yes, I'm his mommy. But he has another mommy, too. The mommy whose belly he grew in before he was born."

This little girl was confused, but bound and determined to figure this out. "So HIS mommy is YOUR mommy, too?" she asked.

"No . . . "

"Wait, so where IS his other mommy?"

This was a complicated question to answer, as there are many possible answers. "Well, she's not here. She doesn't live with us."

"So, where does YOUR mommy live?"

"Uh, my mommy lives in Michigan."

"Not on this street?"

"No," I said.

She pointed at Matthew. "So, does his other mommy live on this street?"

"No."

"OK. Wait. So . . . why is his skin so brown and yours isn't?"

At this point, all those years of graduate school kicked in and I had to resist the urge to start talking about melanin and inheritance of quantitative traits. Finally, I settled on something a bit simpler. "We were just born that way," I said.

"Oh. OK!" she smiled and went back to playing.

Now to come up with a simple line for the curious grown-ups.