Mocking 101

Cameron (laying on couch): Ohhhhh, my tummy hurts!!!

Matthew: What wrong, Didi? You needa go pooooop?

Cameron: No!

Matthew: I change-a you diaper! HA! You havea da unda-wear!!!

Matthew is not even two years old. If he can mock like this now, I shudder to think what he will be capable of as a teen.

I Am Not Your Broom

Tonight, I made a dinner that Cameron loves -- scallops sauteed in olive oil with zucchini and onion, served over rice. Cameron then explained that he would not be eating any of it because, although he has loved the dish in the past, tonight it was "too gooey." When told that he would be sitting at the table until the rest of us were done, he threw a handful of rice on the floor.

He has spent the last half hour under the table with a Dustbuster. "But Mooommmmyyyy, I didn't even make this whole mess!"

"I know, isn't it sooooo frustrating to clean up other people's messes?"

"But Mooommmmyyy, I keep vacuuming and vacuuming and there's still more rice!"

"Rice is the worst," I groan. "So sticky, and a million little grains! Keep vacuuming!"

"Argh, mommy, I just bumped my head under the table! All because you are making me vacuum!"

"No, all because you threw your food."

"Okay, fine."

I remember being a kid and my parents sometimes seeming kind of gleeful as they executed a punishment. I never really got it until now. "You missed a grain here!"

A Nice Cold Chardonnay

David and I are often less than enthusiastic participants in Cameron's imaginative play. Imaginative play is one of those things that sounds really great in theory, but is actually a bit tiresome in real life. I mean, I admire Cameron's enthusiasm and creativity, but he has a long way to go in character development and plot.

So, Cameron's imaginary spy master apparently instructed him to teach me some spy language today. "Okay," said Cameron. "Repeat after me. Woo-foo-ahhh-do."

"Woo-foo-ahhh-do," I said.

"Nooooo, listen. It's like this. Woooo-foo-ahhh-DO."

"Wooooo-foo-ahhh-DO."

"Argh! Okay, woo-ooo-foo-ahhh-DO."

"Woo-ooo-foo-ahhh-DO."

"Finally, you got in Mommy! Okay, that means, 'I want to say good-bye because you must stay on this planet.'"

"That's the first spy phrase I need to learn? Weird. Okay, what's next?"

"Waaa-waa-WAAAA."

"I can definitely do that. Waaa-waa-WAAAA. What's that one mean, Cameron?"

"It means, 'Can I have some more wine?' Oh, and it also means 'baby.'"

That's right folks. In spy language, the SAME word is used to say 'baby' and to request wine. Which, I must confess, makes a lot of sense to me. After all, after a rough bed time with the waaa-waa-WAAAA I often find myself saying to David, "Hey, while you're in the kitchen, waaa-waa-WAAA?"

Now that he can S-P-E-L-L

Yesterday, the boys and I visited the local pool with our friends. Cameron and his pal were a little nervous about going down the waterslide, so the friend's mother said, "Watch! It's fun! I'll do it." As she walked up the steps of the slide she yelled to me, "Hey Sharon! I actually H-A-T-E the waterslide!"

Cameron turned to his friend and said, "Your mom just spelled that she hates the waterslide."

Are you in Ohio?

If you know me at all, you know I love to read. And if you read this blog at all, you probably know how much my family loves the library. Every single day we benefit from the library -- we read books from the library, we listen to books on CD from the library, we watch movies from the library, we participate in the library's Summer Reading program and we attend library story time. So I was disheartened to learn that Ohio's governor, Ted Strickland, is proposed a 50% cut in library funding. This would result in the loss of hundreds of jobs and the closing of many library branches. In addition to what this would mean to my family, I'm concerned about what this means for the many families who have no other access to books, computer access and summer educational programs. I've written to the governor and the state legislators of Ohio expressing my support for our libraries. If you live in Ohio, you can, too!

Click here to read more and to find sample letters.

Gotta get me one of those

I just picked Cameron up from his first day of safety camp which was, and I quote, "awesome."

"So what did you learn?" I asked.

"Well, the police officer showed us all of his equipment. And on his belt, he has this GUN! Only it's not a regular gun. It's a gun that shoots these little darts that are electric. And if someone is kicking and fighting and being mean . . . guess what?"

"What?"

"Well, the darts shoot him and they make him NICE!"

Best best best best Daddy

Matthew often describes us as "best best best best," a sweet expression of affection that he picked up from Cameron. Cameron has now progressed from loving us the best best best best to loving us "infinity." I mean, he is going to be in kindergarten.

Matthew and Cameron are both right, though. David is the best best best best Daddy and we love him infinity.