The Down Side of Being a Big Boy

Soooo, I'm pretty excited about my beautiful new niece, Ella.  On Saturday, I went shopping for her Christmas gift.  (I don't want to give anything away here, in case Ella is among my readers.  I mean, I do test pretty well with the 0-6 month set.  Although my target audience is really more the 18 month - 36 monthers.)  I came home with a large toy.  Immediately, Matthew ran over and asked, "What's dat?"
"That's a present for baby Ella," I answered.

"Noooo," said Matthew.  "Dat's for ME."

"No, that's for baby Ella."

"Okay, fine.  Dat's for baby Ella AND for me."

Hmmmm.  Somebody is going to have a bit of an adjustment to not being the baby in the family anymore! 

Candy Man

This morning, Cameron and I left to go on a field trip before Matthew was awake.  I wondered what he would think when he woke up and realized he was spending the day with Daddy instead of with me as usual.  So when I got home in the afternoon, I gave Matthew a big hug.  "What did you say when you woke up and saw Daddy was home?" I asked.

Matthew thought for a moment and then answered.  "I said, 'Can I have some Smarties?' and he said, 'Yeah.'"

When you are a mommy, your kids are the whole world.  And when you are a kid . . . you love candy.  A big, big, BIG congratulations to my little sister who became a mommy today!!!

Teaching Empathy

I think it is so important to teach kids empathy.  You know, to really try to look at a situation from someone else's perspective.  To realize that it isn't all about YOU, that other people have feelings, too.  To consider, "How might my friend feel when I grab away their toy?"  Or maybe, "How would I feel if I was a black widow spider about to be crushed beneath the feet of a jogger?"  It's so nice to see my parenting efforts pay off.

Smells Like Tot Spirit

As I was brushing my teeth this morning, Matthew was standing next to me.  "Eew," I heard him say.  "Need my juice, mama."

I looked down to see him holding an open bottle of aftershave, his lips puckered.  "Matthew!" I cried, "Did you DRINK that?!?!"

"I just drink it one, mama.  Just one.  Just taste it.  Ewww."

A few minutes later, I was on the phone with poison control.  "My two-year-old just drank aftershave," I said.

"Yuck!" replied the operator.   Which seemed to me sort of an obvious and unreassuring thing to say.  I mean, does Poison Control get many calls about kids ingesting things that would make you say, "Yum?"  Aren't they supposed to say something like, "Okay, ma'am, not to worry.  We'll get this sorted out right away?"

Quickly, however, the operator began gathering the relevant information.  Weight of child, age of child, amount consumed, time of consumption.  "Is he behaving normally?"

Matthew squealed in the background.  "I have caaandy?  A lollipop, mama?" 

"Yes, he's acting totally normal," I told the operator.  I mean, that's normal, right? If I'd taken a swig of something described as "a strong, aromatic citrus-scent for daytime wear," I imagine that I might be looking for a lollipop, too.  I rifled through the pantry while I waited for the verdict from the operator. What flavor Dum-Dum goes with Adidas Dynamic Pulse?  Mango?  Root beer?  Ahhh, mystery flavor.  For those times when you just can't decide.

After a few calculations involving body weight and percent alcohol, and my assurances that Matthew was not lethargic or "acting like he'd had a few drinks," it was concluded that Matthew would be fine.   

So, the aftershave has been relocated to a higher drawer, "Install safety latches in bathroom" has been added to the to-do list, and, thanks to my maternal shortcomings and a curious toddler, I've got me a blog post for the day.   

Go Antibiotics!

Matthew is a huge football fan.  Every day he wakes up and asks me, "Watch some football, mama?"  When I explain to him that football is not generally on TV at 7am on a Wednesday he cries, "Whhhyyyy???"  Once in a while, I will save a football game on our DVR for the times when Matthew really, really wants to watch some football. 

He gives a pretty accurate running commentary as well, if you are okay not knowing what team he's talking about.  "Whoa!  He kick da ball!  He kick dat ball sooooo high.  Whoa!  Dat guy is running.  He got dat guy!  TOUCHDOWN!"  Sadly, higher mathematics still elude Matthew and, thus, he struggles with keeping score.  That's where Cameron comes in.  Today, the boys were watching the Ohio State vs. Penn State game.  "Mommy!" Cameron yelled.  "It's 10-7!  Ohio State is beating Penicillin!"

Judge not, lest ye be judged

Part I.

Yesterday, I was at the park with the boys when a very rude little girl of about nine years came near us.  As she complained and talked back to her mother, the mother turned to me and said, "It's her birthday, so she knows I can't do anything to her.  You know how that is!"

I had lost my voice -- literally, not in a symbolic sense.  I have laryngitis.  So, when the mother said this, I simply raised my eyebrows quizzically while thinking, Uh, no.  Actually, I don't know what that's like.  My kids aren't allowed to be brats, even on their birthdays. 

"Come on," said the mother to her daughter, "we've got to get going to Biff's house."

"Nooooo," whined the girl, "I don't want to go yet."

"If we don't go now," said the mother, "you won't have time to touch the snake."

Honest to goodness, this is what she said.

"Well," countered the girl, "I'm going to play here and then I'm going to go to Biff's and I'm going to play the Wii and I"m going to touch the snake."

"You're not playing the Wii," said the mom.  "You'll barely have enough time to eat the pizza and touch the snake before your daddy comes to pick you up.  So we got to go now."

At this, the girl rolled her eyes and ran off to play some more.

The mother turned to me.  "If it wasn't her birthday," she said, "I'd be screaming like you wouldn't believe!  A little while ago, she came up to me, you know, like kids always do, saying, 'I'm gonna smack you!  I'm gonna smack your face, mama! And you can't do nothin' about it 'cause it's my birthday!'  And I said to her, 'If it wasn't your birthday, I'd go throw you in that pond and then I'd call your daddy because it's his week to have you anyways and I'd tell him to go fish you out!' Except she knows I can't throw her in the pond because it's her birthday!"  She laughed uproariously at this.

I smiled wanly, and tried to nudge the children towards the swings on the other side of the park.

I kept looking around to see if I was on Jamie Kennedy Experiment or Candid Camera or something. Crazy!  I'll tell you one thing, I am not raising my children to tell me they're going to smack my face!

Part II.

Today, Matthew earned himself quite a few time outs, primarily for not listening and secondarily for hitting when given a time out for not listening.  And he's catching on. 

As we drove to pick Cameron up from school, Matthew said, "Mama, we go to park?"

"Yes, Matthew," I rasped hoarsely.  "We'll go to the park after we pick Cameron up."

"OK, good, mama.  We go to the park.  I be a goooood listener.  And I will not hit you. . . too hard."

Hip to be square

When I was a kid, my mom always made my Halloween costumes.  The traditional newspaper-stuffed pumpkin, the more eclectic Minnie Pearl, the regionally-inspired Zilwaukee bridge builder.  I think most kids wore homemade costumes in those days.  These days, every other kid is wearing the same store-bought costume and it just doesn't feel the same to me.  So from Cameron's first Halloween on, I've been making the kids' costumes.

Last year, under intense pressure from Cameron, I let him wear a store bought costume for the first time.  This year, I was pleased when he decided that he'd go back to a homemade one.    It was pretty easy to choose what he wanted to be.  What does Cameron love more than almost anything?  Legos.  And who does Matthew want to be like more than anyone?  Cameron.  And thus, I ended up making two Lego costumes.

To be honest, I was pretty disappointed in how they came out.  The spray paint didn't really cover up the "Whole Soy Yogurt" and "Zappos" labels.  But that's the beauty of trick or treating at twilight -- as soon as the sun began to set, you couldn't see those labels at all!

Matthew stayed home with David, as he's still fighting a fever that won't quit.  Cameron and I hit the streets with friends.  Before he even got to the first house, though, Cameron tripped.  Turns out it is difficult to see obstacles in your path when you have a box velcroed to you.  He fell forward, landing on his Lego and displacing several yogurt containers.  The good news was that the Lego cushioned his fall and he was uninjured.  "My Lego!" he cried.  "What are we going to do?"

Who does this kid think he's trick or treating with?  An amateur? I opened my bag, pulled out a roll of packing tape and had him patched up in no time!

Cameron got quite a bit of attention for his unique costume and on the way home he gave a satisfied sigh.  "Well," he said, "I think my costume was a big success!"