A few nights ago, during dinner, Matthew held up his arm and observed it. "Brown," he announced. "My skin is brown." He looked over to me and asked, "Your skin is brown?"
And so it begins. We read Matthew lots of books about adoption, about family and about skin color. We tell him his adoption story and talk about his first family and how much they love him. But I'm pretty sure this is the first time that he's broached the topic himself.
"Yes, Matthew, your skin is brown. My skin is not brown, my skin is peachy. Do you know who else has beautiful brown skin like yours?"
"Who?"
"J. Do you know who J. is?" (Note: Matthew's story is his own, so I'm not going to be sharing his first family's names or details of his story here.)
Matthew thought for a moment, studying his arm, then smiled. "J. is birf mama!"
"That's right!" I reply. "J. is your birth mama! And her skin is a beautiful chocolate brown color, just like yours is!"
It's a pretty easy conversation to have right now -- pretty simple question, pretty simple answer. But each time I tell Matthew his story or each time Cameron asks a question about adoption (typically a more challenging question!) or each time a curious preschooler wonders why Matthew doesn't look like me is training for the more in-depth questions and conversations to come.
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3 comments:
Sharon, I am always so impressed with how you handle these situations. If only more people could have your sensibility! I love you!
What a wonderful thing that Matthew is already showing so much self awareness. He never ceases to amaze me. Keep up the good work providing him with the love and information he will need on this journey we call life.
That's the way I look at the questions from strangers. Training for future talks. Such a sweet story but so young.
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